"From Under the House" - Brian Roberts

In years past before the arrival of the “ BLOG” I used to write a monthly letter from under the house.

To some it was a source of pleasure to the Directors of Soccer Tas as it was then a source of annoyance

I wrote the following in one of my first letters in 1999. I believe the content holds as good today as it did 11 years ago.


“ The room under my house is home to the fragments of my career as a golfer, soccer player and so on. The golf ball with which I scored my only birdie, plastic eyesores for being the best “shirt picker upper “ plus medals and ribbons for just being around.

Amongst this dust laden clutter used to live the WAWOTAM Birds.
I trapped and held captive these ecological disasters when I was chairman of South Hobart Soccer Club however when I resigned that post they escaped. Where they live now I know not but I do know their migratory path takes them to Wellesley Park where they view last seasons offspring and then on to all corners of the land. Their haunts are the end of season planning meeting and as they are invisible are able to plant their seeds in the minds of Club officials without detection.

At the conclusion of the season we are able to see how fruitful have been their efforts. Row upon row of plastic monolith march across car, trestle, kitchen and clubroom tables. Their serried ranks glistening in the spring sunshine. Some trophies are larger than their recipients.

The product of endless meat raffles, sports cards and donations wrung from butchers, bakers and candlestick makers ultimately poured not back into the game but into the coffers of the “Trophy House “.

I appeal to you Presidents, Secretaries, Team Managers if young Joe or Jessica shows talent give them a soccer ball. You’ll earn the gratitude of their parents. You’ll get them out of the house, away from the computer and they’ll be better players for next year. If they are super prospects give them entry to a coaching course and a soccer ball. If they are like me no talent at all give them a photograph. You don’t have to dust a photo and they take up less space in the room under the house.

David tells me that he can arrange for soccer balls with your club logo on the cover. Help stamp out the WAWOTAM Birds.”


I am glad to say that this year the President of South Hobart put to flight these accursed avian parasites.

No multiple medals or plastic figurines for adults or juniors.


Brian Roberts